In your life, have you ever felt beaten by the seemingly chaotic and never-ending grind of the day-to-day hustle, the undeserved hardships, and the unfairness of the treatment or situations you may find yourself in?
Regardless of the preparedness, the effort, the intention, and the need, curveballs derail you, knocking the stability of the ground you laid so carefully and the foundation built strongly, with care.
Not a stone left unturned, not a patch put out of place, the groundwork laid for your success was robust, rock-solid. Or so you may have thought, until that one curveball. Now dismantled, the daunting task of rebuilding the foundation again lies ahead of you, maybe even with an urgently necessary emergency attached to it, needing restabilization to secure urgent footing, and that too with a life-threatening emergency in tow. Just a hypothetical scenario (for some, not so hypothetical for others).
Ultimately resulting in an overwhelming sense of dreaded defeat, doom, and depressive outlook. Ever felt like this, or something along those lines before? I’m done, done-for, down, and oh so dead (dramatized projections aplenty), I am sure.
And then follows the self-doubt and pity, with sides of why (me/now), followed by the struggle to understand possible pivots we could’ve avoided, the if-onlys, the but-also’s. The many scenarios we play on loop.
Like maybe we didn’t (do/be/try) enough, maybe we didn’t (care/love/desire) enough. Ugh, the never-ending questions of the restless, perturbed mind.
Then if-only makes its directorial debut with super special effects, VR 7D, 8K UHD dramas we play in our mind’s eye. Oof. A heavily overdone Bolly-Soprano-Holly-Kdrama-Tolly multiverse of us vs us, and us with us, as the main protagonist, villain, victim, hero, and sidekick, master of comedic role-play scenarios we put ourselves through.
Ooff… the forlorn mind voice with utter catharsis, dia-mono-logs:
“If only I did that then,”
“or they did that then,”
“or wish I didn’t do that then and them that other this, then,”
or
“if that then, this now would be not this-now, and how I deserve only that other which now this was not”
and then the outward projections:
“wish they did this now, so the other then-action-led outcome never led to this I have here. Or they did that instead then, leading to a better now for them too, had they had a hand in this situation here.”
An overworking mind’s frantic attempts to make sense of the chaos it finds itself in, where their expectations didn’t get met, their beliefs in their controlled status quo and dependable life-flow, rooted in their knowledge of processes, people, and systems, in one word, meant nothing.
Well, reality is every situation, and the way it appears, the way it makes us feel, is perspective to our POV at the moment. The lens we wear reflects a reality limited by the spectrum of the restricted colors we see it with and through to our mind’s eye.
What we see could pose as the best possible of all the blessings bestowed, or the shittiest hand drawn rather than our hand out of the nasty deck with decaying old paper cards, us the jokers or the asses, especially when both mean failure. That view can be chaotically nonsensical and downright depressing.
A very unfair, unfortunate thing, they may seem, and our mind longs for that perfect life, that if-only we did that other thing which would’ve made us feel less icky, flawed, low, muddied in mind, and sad in state.
Regardless of all that hypothetical scenario, our life, its circumstances, and the massive misses all disappear into thin air, like faint disappearing water vapor evaporating into willful natural non-existence, meeting into something beyond and all-pervading, expansive and self-sufficient.
The difficulties we seem to face routinely, without any real explanation or help, all dissolve into everything else and nothing, when we have the clarity to meet the world through the interconnected evolution of life. A decision to consciously connect with nature, with gratitude for the little blessings, made me reflect and journal the thoughts that just clicked. An aha! moment of recognition of cyclical nature in all.
It was just a small walk, a lost ball found in the trenches, a ditch, and a momentary awareness of a likeness, rather, a witness of the world around, the life as it flawlessly exists, just as-is, without any dramatics regardless of its imperfections, or perceived neglect and negative associations the person makes to it, or not.
It, the nature, doesn’t care.
It has a rhythm and its beauty in perfect synchronicity.
The lushness drying into a muddied swamp, a ditch riddled with stones and overgrown prickly weed. What should’ve been protected by those in charge, who claim to and “charge” others, who ignore due to their own imperfect stages of life, gets redeemed magically, organically, naturally, without any fuss or external stimulus.
Nature reclaiming the balance of its existence and the life it bears.
This was the blessing I happened to witness and chose to see, by luck or happenstance. This reminder of the perfection of life with its imperfect self.
Just-as-it-is. Being wholesome. Never ceasing evolution.
It was such a powerfully grounding show of life at its core, in reality, in front of my eyes, fully aware and engulfing me within it, for me.
All thanks to Jade, my walks are never voluntary for the sake of self-control. Nope, these walks are mandated by the sense of responsibility towards those that depend upon me.
And thanks to that sense of duty, I get opportunities like these, more and more frequently lately.
Loudly heard within my bones are these breaths of nature, their essence felt deep within what feels like my bones.
The natural, orderly perfection of this life just as it is.
Nothing more needed, nothing to reduce from it.
This life as it is within, without, and all around us, has always been, is, and will be beautifully whole.
We too, with it, are and can be.
Just. As. Is. Perfect.
Look how beautifully nature, through spring, reclaimed a very muddy, gooey, oft-avoided, and forgotten ditch around our block and turned it into a beautiful garden.
It’s avoided because of the level of effort it takes to beautify it. Which translated means money, labor, contracts, ownership, zoning, responsibilities, and in other words, control and legality, the language of society.
Humans being our worst with our need to control via bureaucratic speak.
Fact remains that nature never burdened us with these mental gymnastics.
It doesn’t care and is perfect as it is.
In extension, I believe we are too.
If not this, what then is a better reminder for us to trust the universal truth of the nature of all our existences?
We too live, do-fail-do-succeed in a loop, and then learn to reconnect with ourselves and our truths, only to reclaim, evolve, and transform into a better version, always, just like nature itself. No?
Cyclical, transformative, predictable in its unpredictability, perfectly imperfect, and ultimately beautifully balanced in every cell, mass, soiled-ground to our thoughts, minds, temporary states of being and experiencing, just like this dirty ditch. In extension, I’d argue, Earth and its entities, organic and inorganic architectures, systems including all living beings.
Essentially, the Universe.
It’s all OK.
It’s all PERFECT.
It’s all transient, impermanent, omnipresent, and beautiful.
Vast enough that we as humans, with our existential experiences and collective exposures, may never fully grasp the whys, yet close enough to relate by witnessing when we choose to see the sameness in all and align our understandings and expectations to just perfectly be and let be.
These all pass and resurface, perhaps in perpetuity.
I was feeling low, reduced, limited, and perhaps a little defeated with all the recent curveballs.
Today’s witness and the thoughts on that are a blessing, and I wanted to document them. Hence this here. A personal, heartfelt tribute to nature and my acceptance of things as they are, embodiment of nature, with the promise of transformation, growth, and maturity of mind, seeing the alignment in the one universal theme of the many powerful (re)births be they in manicured gardens, dirty ditches or dull hardened branches.
OM!
🙏
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